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Help! At The Library

Help! I need somebody.

Sir, this is a library. Can you please keep it down? Maybe I can help?

Help! Not just anybody.

Look, I know I’m a security guard but I know eno--

Help! you know I need someone

Okay, obviously not me. So who? And who are these three guys with you? Do you guys know him?


You see this badge? Don’t make me limit the amount of books you can check out. What exactly do you need help with?

When I was younger so much younger than today

Friend, you look like you’re what - eighteen, nineteen?

I never needed anybody's help in any way

Okay, I don’t know why I asked. I don’t need your life story.

But now these days are gone and I'm not so self assured

About reading? Look, maybe you should just go inside with your friends and leave me alone.

Now I find I've changed my mind, I've opened up the doors

That’s nice. Well, just close those behind you and come in, okay? You’re blocking the entrance.

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

Oh, okay. Sorry. Maybe something from the self-help section? I can walk you there.

And I do appreciate you being 'round

Well, I try my best. Being around is my job, I guess.

Help me get my feet back on the ground

One step about time, I always say. Well, let’s go inside. Okay? Easy does it.

Won't you please, please help me?

I’m trying to! But you’re just standing there. Move!

And now my life has changed in oh so many ways

Oh, Christ. With your story again. There’s a line forming behind you.

(Turns to librarian) Yes! I’m trying to help him, but he won’t come in, ma’am. Pepper spray him? That’s a bit extreme. A threat to the library?

My independence seems to vanish in the haze

Look,if you don’t come in with your friends, I’ll be forced to use pepper spray. The librarians and children are scared.

But every now and then I feel so insecure

You seriously have to move. I haven’t used this thing before, but I will have to use it to protect the library.

I know that I just need you like I've never done before

You’ve left me no choice!

Help me if you can, I'm feeling down

Of course you’re down, I’ve just pepper sprayed you.

And I do appreciate you being 'round

That supposed to be a joke? I will use this thing again.

Help me get my feet back on the ground

Get your three friends to help you. I’m done with you.

Won't you please, please help me?

Lyrics by Lennon & McCartney

Security Guard Dialogue by Brian Gutierrez

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