Day 1 - San Francisco, 1968.This was the first, and only, place I wanted to go to after years of developing my time machine.
It landed in a field surrounded by beautiful women, smooth guitars and stunning green grass. They were all so high, they didn’t notice the portable toilet plop out of nowhere.
I approached the nearest group and introduced myself, making sure a flower was firmly and quite visibly placed behind my ear. Finally, I thought, a chance to find real love! But the girls rolled their shoulders at me and edged closer to the pretty boy with the sandals and blond hair.
I ran to the porta, crying my eyes out.
Day 2 - Woodstock, 1969. If there was one place I was going to be laid, it was Woodstock. It was, really, the only place I wanted to go. Not stupid San Fran.
My porta landed gingerly in a muddy part of the field and I quickly jumped out to greet my friends. I don’t do drugs, never have. I don’t even drink. But the root beer I brought with me, really made my head light.
Unfortunately, after wandering for over an hour, trying my best to speak to several convulsing women (and men), my patience ran out. I went back to the porta to find someone had defecated all over the walls.
Day 3 - Studio 54, New York, 1977. Ah the beaming lights! This was going to be the place. Everyone was so happy to see me when the porta landed near the dance floor. They all thought it was a prop.
I hurried out of the porta, quick to shut the door from the smell, and started boogieing. I’m not much of a dancer, but people must have been impressed. After a minute or so, they gave me so much space I felt like I was John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever! This was definitely going to get the girls fired up.
That is, of course, until I slipped and sprained my ankle. No one seemed bothered. I hobbled over to my porta defeated, only to find an orgy. I tried to squeeze in, taking my shirt off and everything, but the twelve people in there did their thing for the next few hours.
I flew back to the present in another smelly porta.
Day 4 - Present Day. I decided to give up travelling to find love. Maybe it was here, in the present, all along. There was a lot I learned in the last three days, mainly how much people like a portable toilet. Maybe I should of accepted it just the way it was?